politically incorrect wife #2

Howdy!! We are back from our wonderful few days away...we had such a GREAT TIME, and I'm working on a post about the trip. Until then, I have the second post ready for my Politically Incorrect Wife series. So, here we are -- if you missed the first post, you can read it here.

When God saw how alone Adam was, he created Eve...what does this tell us? Men desire companionship with their mates. Someone to share life's experiences.

But men in today's world are still lonely -- modern women have abandoned their God-given roles and are busy doing their own thing, being independent. I don't think we can deny this. How can I make sure that my husband knows how important he is to me every single day? By being present. Making him feel special in my presence. Softening my face when looking at him/softening my tone when speaking to him. Becoming brighter when he enters a room. Conveying warmth. Noticing him. Welcoming him home with love. Really listening when he talks.

Here's the kicker though. Women, in general, have a mental to-do list that they are constantly checking back on and thinking forward on. They are multi-tasking. They may be physically in the room, but their thoughts are on 7 other topics elsewhere. Women get things done. Women think about getting things done. Women take care of people. Women keep the home running smoothly. Women also work outside the home. How will all these things get accomplished if we have to stop and be present? If we have to soften and slow down long enough to notice things? It seems to go against everything that has been instilled in us growing up. And what about those times when we think we are not receiving what we feel we deserve to receive from our spouse? We're still supposed to convey warmth and do all those things?

Yes. Because doing those things is our way of obeying God. We are not really doing those things for our husbands, we are doing them for Jesus. It is always our CHOICE to make changes and love unconditionally, as we would love Him.

God has specific roles for husbands, too. It is the husband's responsibility to make sure he is obeying God in those things. WE cannot control that. At all. That is between a husband and God, and a husband will answer to God for that just like we will answer to God for our portion. That is hard to swallow, for some of us that might be control freaks...but, it is also a little FREEING. To me at least! I know what my husband's roles are, and I cannot control whether he meets those. And whether he meets those roles does not reflect on me in God's eyes. That, in itself, was one of the most freeing things I have ever read.

Because as it is a wife's role to be a helper, it is a husband's role to lead his family spiritually, financially, in all ways. The Bible says that a wise man will seek the counsel of his wife, and discuss things together. So, see -- a woman's intellect is still valued. That college degree wasn't for nothing! But it all comes down, in the end, to a husband taking charge if they are not able to reach an agreement. This is the consequence of the original sin -- husbands will rule over wives, with love.

For us women who may worry about decisions, we can rest assured that the husband's decisions in these matters are 1) his to make and 2) do not reflect on us. This is an extreme example, but if a husband's financial choice leads his family into financial ruin, the wife will not deal with those consequences with God. He will. Life on Earth may be a different story, as the wife will certainly share in the consequences. But this world is only for a short time, and what matters most is where we stand with our God. We will only answer to him for how well we meet our own roles.

I thought I would wrap up today with a personal example...a few months back, Chris and I decided to become members at a new church. During the membership class, we agreed to a few things -- consistent tithing being one of them. I am a rule follower, very black/white at times. I expected to come home that weekend and begin doing the tithe right away. But that is not how it happened. And luckily I was reading this book right around that same time. The book helped me to understand that I needed to step back and allow Chris the room to lead. Ultimately, he knew we needed to be tithing, and ultimately, it was his decision on when and how that would occur. And that freed my mind from worry suddenly and that was a wonderful feeling. As a wife, I cannot control everything. And maybe the reason my husband chooses not to lead sometimes is because I don't ever give him the room to do so. I'm listening God. Help me give him the room to lead.

P.S. As I sat writing this post last week, before we left for Fredericksburg...Chris set up our automatic online tithing (without knowing what I was writing about here)...he had his reasons for waiting until now to begin...see how everything works out according to God's plan??? :) Give your spouse room to lead. It is his way of obeying God.

politically incorrect wife #1

So, as I mentioned, I wanted to share some things from the book The Politically Incorrect Wife...reading this book really taught me a lot and changed my mind set on a lot of things. Maybe these posts will inspire you to read the book yourself; or make you stop and think about things a bit differently. Or maybe you'll skip them altogether and that's fine too.

Here's the thing for me -- I was not raised with the Bible. I am a fairly new Christian, and am still learning what the Bible teaches. I have a lot to learn. But one thing I realized was that I really had no idea what the Bible says about being a biblical wife. We've all heard the most popular wedding verse about "Love is patient, etc." But what about MY role specifically? And even with that, what about HIS role too?

If you have no idea what your job description is, it is guaranteed that you will never hit the mark successfully. What is a wife's job description? Lucky for us, God never intended for us to be frustrated or confused. He was very clear and exact about our role when he created the world.

"It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper for him."

A helper?? That's it?

REALLY???

God gave man the responsibility of rulership and of cultivating the Garden. Then he gave Eve her role as helper. This was determined BEFORE the first sin, while the world was still perfect. So it was not a punishment for Eve; it was the role God wanted for us.

Helper sounds a little mundane and "beneath"; but if you step back to realize that helper is a reflection of who God himself is, that helps it to take on a new light. God uses this tense of helper in two places only -- when referring to a wife, and when referring to himself. When we embrace being a helper, we are living as close to a God-like life as we are able. We are being a reflection of God.

Being a helper is not DOING SOMETHING -- it is BEING SOMEONE.

A helper is one who gives assistance or support to another, making life more pleasant and bearable.

I was raised to be an independent woman, so reading this book slapped my preconceived notions in the face all throughout. I won't lie. As I began the book, I couldn't help thinking -- isn't this a waste and misuse of the talents, gifts, and abilities that God gave me?? How can a woman be both independent and submissive? What was the point of a woman wasting money and time getting a college degree? A lot of similar thoughts were flowing through my mind and I was panicking big time. As I progressed through the book, though, I learned how to work on changing my thoughts on this. Because this is what it boils down to:

I can not rewrite God's job description to benefit myself. It is what it is.

And here's the kicker -- I am either obeying God, or I am disobeying God. There is no middle ground.

So -- Helper. Give that some thought and I'll be back with post #2 soon...