politically incorrect wife #2

Howdy!! We are back from our wonderful few days away...we had such a GREAT TIME, and I'm working on a post about the trip. Until then, I have the second post ready for my Politically Incorrect Wife series. So, here we are -- if you missed the first post, you can read it here.

When God saw how alone Adam was, he created Eve...what does this tell us? Men desire companionship with their mates. Someone to share life's experiences.

But men in today's world are still lonely -- modern women have abandoned their God-given roles and are busy doing their own thing, being independent. I don't think we can deny this. How can I make sure that my husband knows how important he is to me every single day? By being present. Making him feel special in my presence. Softening my face when looking at him/softening my tone when speaking to him. Becoming brighter when he enters a room. Conveying warmth. Noticing him. Welcoming him home with love. Really listening when he talks.

Here's the kicker though. Women, in general, have a mental to-do list that they are constantly checking back on and thinking forward on. They are multi-tasking. They may be physically in the room, but their thoughts are on 7 other topics elsewhere. Women get things done. Women think about getting things done. Women take care of people. Women keep the home running smoothly. Women also work outside the home. How will all these things get accomplished if we have to stop and be present? If we have to soften and slow down long enough to notice things? It seems to go against everything that has been instilled in us growing up. And what about those times when we think we are not receiving what we feel we deserve to receive from our spouse? We're still supposed to convey warmth and do all those things?

Yes. Because doing those things is our way of obeying God. We are not really doing those things for our husbands, we are doing them for Jesus. It is always our CHOICE to make changes and love unconditionally, as we would love Him.

God has specific roles for husbands, too. It is the husband's responsibility to make sure he is obeying God in those things. WE cannot control that. At all. That is between a husband and God, and a husband will answer to God for that just like we will answer to God for our portion. That is hard to swallow, for some of us that might be control freaks...but, it is also a little FREEING. To me at least! I know what my husband's roles are, and I cannot control whether he meets those. And whether he meets those roles does not reflect on me in God's eyes. That, in itself, was one of the most freeing things I have ever read.

Because as it is a wife's role to be a helper, it is a husband's role to lead his family spiritually, financially, in all ways. The Bible says that a wise man will seek the counsel of his wife, and discuss things together. So, see -- a woman's intellect is still valued. That college degree wasn't for nothing! But it all comes down, in the end, to a husband taking charge if they are not able to reach an agreement. This is the consequence of the original sin -- husbands will rule over wives, with love.

For us women who may worry about decisions, we can rest assured that the husband's decisions in these matters are 1) his to make and 2) do not reflect on us. This is an extreme example, but if a husband's financial choice leads his family into financial ruin, the wife will not deal with those consequences with God. He will. Life on Earth may be a different story, as the wife will certainly share in the consequences. But this world is only for a short time, and what matters most is where we stand with our God. We will only answer to him for how well we meet our own roles.

I thought I would wrap up today with a personal example...a few months back, Chris and I decided to become members at a new church. During the membership class, we agreed to a few things -- consistent tithing being one of them. I am a rule follower, very black/white at times. I expected to come home that weekend and begin doing the tithe right away. But that is not how it happened. And luckily I was reading this book right around that same time. The book helped me to understand that I needed to step back and allow Chris the room to lead. Ultimately, he knew we needed to be tithing, and ultimately, it was his decision on when and how that would occur. And that freed my mind from worry suddenly and that was a wonderful feeling. As a wife, I cannot control everything. And maybe the reason my husband chooses not to lead sometimes is because I don't ever give him the room to do so. I'm listening God. Help me give him the room to lead.

P.S. As I sat writing this post last week, before we left for Fredericksburg...Chris set up our automatic online tithing (without knowing what I was writing about here)...he had his reasons for waiting until now to begin...see how everything works out according to God's plan??? :) Give your spouse room to lead. It is his way of obeying God.